Ventilation
by kisa sohma cookie
Summary: inspired by Mikells fics 'happy endings' and 'raphaels revenge', so give her credit.Just me venting about crap that's happening to me latly and the guys are there to help, read if you want to,don't if you don't.Rated T for language


**This was inspired by those fics Mikell wrote, y'know when the tmnt bring her into their world and they get revenge, well this is sort of like that, so give her and raphfreak a lot of the credit okay. Anyway don't expect much effort or anything really big in this one-shot. Recently in the past couple of days my family has had some tough times.(which will be explained in the story) It's a really emotional and sad thing for me to go through, and even though I've been talking about it with my friends and parents, which helps a lot, there are something's I don't feel like I can say out loud. So I figured, it always helps me sort out my emotions when I draw or write, so this is kind of like a journal entry that you all seemingly get to read, only the guys are there to help me out…cuz I said so. I don't care if it seems like I'm out of touch with reality, sometimes I need to escape for just a little while into my own little world to sort things out. My brother has his video games, my dad has his art, my mom has her knitting, and I have my laptop and Microsoft word.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own TMNT.**

It had been almost three days since the incident, and he expected that even after all he did, that this time, like he did before, he could come home. Well he wasn't, this wasn't his home anymore, the group home was. He was gone, and he was never coming back.

But even after everything he had done to hurt us both mentally and emotionally, that statement still didn't make the nervous feeling tint he pit of my stomach go away.

As I lay in what I though was my bed, I tried to curl up to try and push those bad thoughts away, I was tired, I didn't feel like blubbering over that jack-ass again. Only when I moved, I didn't hear the familiar creak of my canopy bed and the tinkling of the wind chimes that hung form the bars on top of it. The cotton sheets didn't slip around underneath me, I felt something rugged and scratchy, but warm all the same. It smelled faintly of mildew and incense and…..microwavable popcorn?

I cracked open an eye, making sure that my face was still buried in my arms form sleeping to see a couch cushion was what I was currently sleeping on. A very worn out couch cushion.

I tried to ignore my panicking heart, where the hell was I!!!??!

I chanced a peek upwards out of my folded arms and saw I was alone, in a den like set up, in front of at least a dozen TVs of every sort of quality. The floor was littered with video set wires from play stations game cubes, whatever. If it wasn't for the discarded skateboard next to it and a tool box near a broken Xbox, I could have gone back to sleep mistaking it for my brother's room.

But I now knew where I was, I didn't even need to hear the faint sound of punching bags being beaten and cries of battle being called in a spar to know.

…..holy shit….

Okay, don't panic Meghan, you've only somehow managed to either be kidnapped, or port yourself into a CARTOON!! Nothing to worry about, just…just….get the hell out of here before you're spotted. That way if I was kidnapped,(hell knows why) nothing bad will happen, or if I transported myself, well, I won't mess up the show.

I knew how trying to slowly lift myself off the old couch would only give away my position more than I fi just rolled off the couch onto my face….so I opted for the latter. I rubbed my face when orange cat hair flew into my nose after landing on the carpet off the couch. So that means Klunk's been found so far in the cartoon, so….a lot's already happened,

I gulped alright, next step, actually sneaking out of the lair without being noticed by five professional ninjas….yeah, that's gonna work. But what other choice did I have.

I pushed myself up and tiptoed across the cement floor of the lair, curse it for being so big, curse it for having so many doors and for me not paying attention to which one was the way out!! Curse Klunk's fur that still made my nose feel funny!!

I hoped to god that their training period was far form over, as I continued to carefully make my way around the lair to find the right door, there was one by Donnie's lab, but my gut told me I wouldn't want to choose that one. Finally, I noticed one was slightly bigger than the others……but it was right next to the dojo…

Why does the universe hate me?

I took a deep breath and tiptoes as quietly as I could past the dojo, my bare feet padding lightly on the stone floor. I felt them pause a little a couple of times as I made my way across, but then they immediately went back to practice, and I foolishly dismissed it as them caching their breath.

I was relieved but surprised when I made it passed the dojo, feeling more confident I walked a little faster, still on my tip toes, ready to break into a run once I reached the door.

Almost there…almost there!!!

"Well lookie whose up, heh." A gruff Brooklyn accent said, maybe two feet behind me.

"Eyaa!!!" I screamed, wonderful first impression Meghan, just wonderful. I must have jumped afoot in the air.

I whipped around with a hand grasping at my heart to see all four turtle boys laughing at my reaction.

"wow Donnie, she's just like Ella!"

Huh, so I had showed up somewhere in the middle of Who cares what you are, interesting.

My face grew hot in indignation and embarrassment, I was no where near as shy as Ella…according to me. I hated being laughed at, but I also knew it was all in good fun. But still, the fact hat I was made the subject of a joke made my shields go up, and my lips pursed together in utter defiance. Just like at school, I wouldn't be moved a smidge until their stupid joke was over. I knew that even though the turtles weren't like the bullies at the high school, my embarrassment made my instincts to clam up kick in.

Donny was the first to calm down when he noticed me staring at he wall, my expression cool and expressionless, even though he had never met me face to face, he knew what the look meant.

"whoa, okay guys, that's enough…" He warned, and gestured towards me, once the others saw my look and calmed down almost instantly.

Mikey trotted over and put an arm over my shoulder, "Aw c'mon dudette, we were just joking around, we didn't mean to embarrass you.."

"It's okay." I said stiffly, half because I was embarrassed and frankly a little peeved, and also because I had blown my cover, and the show or me was in danger of…whatever I somehow had accomplished in putting myself in a sticky situation.

Leo came forward and gave me a supportive smile, "You're probably wondering why you're here.."

"Yeah kinda." I said curtly, doh! Why did I have to get like this, it was all in my defensive walls, built up by years of cruel jokes by my classmates.

I heard them chuckle and I relaxed, I hadn't offended them. However, that feeling of relief instantly went away when I felt myself being lifted off the ground, each of my arms being grasped in Raph and Mikey's hands, as they carried me like a life sized doll to the couch once again.

Again I say, Doh!!

They plopped me onto it and it creaked, I instantly, settled with one of my legs folded, one of them up to my chin. Now I'm a kinda chubby, so them lifting me made me feel self conscious, did they realize I was heavier than they thought…was I really heavy to them? Were they thinking of fat insults in their heads behind my back.

Instantly I scolded my overactive imagination, the guys wouldn't do that, in fact a lot of people I think do that probably don't, but I just couldn't help it, I have so little self esteem, it's hard to be confident.

I heard someone couch above me and realized I had zoned out. Leo was holding out an Arizona watermelon juice, my favorite drink besides milk. I offered a nervous smile and muttered a soft 'thank you' taking it when I realized how thirsty I was.

Donny took a seat next to me, Raph leaned against the wall a little ways away, leo leant on the back of the couch, and Mikey sat cross legged in front of me with his big brown eyes, reminding me of my silkie terrier ,Cricket, back home.

Everything was quiet for a moment until I realized they wanted me to ask the question.

I flushed a little and looked down at my drink, "So uh…why am I here guys?"

The turtles looked at each other and Leo started, "Well, y'know how you write fan fiction?"

"Y-yeah…" I answered slowly, giving them a suspicious look.

"Well, when a writer writes fan fiction, what they don't know and don't usually find out is that their minds somehow make a portal into the worlds that their stories take lace in, the characters in those worlds can look in on their thoughts if they want to, and find out what you're brainstorming for them next."

"In case yer planning to poison them or something.." Raph said, glaring slightly which made me look down in slight guilt. (see WCWYA chapters 36 and 37.)

"Anyway." Leo continued, giving Raph a warning look, to which he smirked in return, "We don't usually pry much into your thoughts if we can help it." He shot a reproachful look at Mikey who grinned, "but we've noticed a lot of mayhem taking place in your mind lately."

My mind raced to soak all this in, "S-so, you have access into all of my thoughts and memories, and they just pop in your heads?"

"Not exactly," Don piped up, "They actually show up in a folder on my computer, when I click on it these little envelopes float around on the screen. Blue is an idea for your stories, Yellow is something happy, Red is something embarrassing , black is something you're angry or sad about, and white is something you want to keep secret form someone. So while you technically learn about us form you're computer, we learn about you from ours."

I blinked several times trying to grasp this, when suddenly I thought of something, "Guys….you didn't..LOOK… into any of those red or white folders…right?"

Instantly, I saw two guilty faces, one smirking one, and one that was grinning maniacally at me.

"Maaaaayyybee…" Mikey trailed off teasingly.

I blushed and glared as best I could at him, "why would you do that?"

"We're curious about ya dudette." Mikey answered with a slight shrug

I looked down in response, "…What exactly did you..find out.."

"Oh nothing much.." Raph said giving me an amused look that clearly betrayed his words

"Out of curiosity…whose' _Nathan_, hmmmm?" Mikey wiggled his eyebrows up and down and my blush grew worse.

"A f-friend…" I trailed of defiantly, it was the truth, right now we were just friends, if that.

"Uh huh, I'm sure that's what you were thinking when he was helping you with you're fingering on you're clarinet, y'know when he took your hands and actually positioned them for you?" Raph smirked as I glared back, my face now a lobster red. I could hear the other two chuckling beside me.

"Alright, moving on, why did you bring me here?!" I cried out, looking very flustered which resulted in them laughing again.

"We were hoping you could tell us that miss.." An aging voice said from the other end of the lair. All five of us twisted around to see Master splinter had joined us. Looked down at my drink again, next to Raph splinter had always seemed a little intimidating, but not in a bad way, if that made sense. He was gentle, but there was a sternness he had that made people he just met stop and listen.

"What do you mean?" I said quietly, when Raph rolled his eyes.

"Don't give us that, you should see how many black folders have been popping up lately, something bad's been goin down in your life lately, and frankly it's freakin us out."He said gruffly, but he stopped when splinter give him a look.

"What Raph is trying to say is," Don continued, "We're worried about you. I mean, you said so yourself, even though you based the girls a lot on your friends, they're also a part of you broken up into four. So really, in creepy way, all four of us are technically dating you through the girls." He said, which made me blush even more.

"The girls have been acting funny lately when you aren't writing about them, really sulky and quick to anger.."Leo continued.

"At first we though it was **that time** of the month but- ow!" Mikey stopped and rubbed his head were not only Raph and hit him but master splinter had wacked him with his cane.

"It has been going on steadily for about 3 months now…since it doesn't seem to be stopping, we were just wondering what's going on, and if we could help or not.." Don said sincerely, giving me an unintentional puppy dog. I knew instantly I wasn't going to get out of this one.

I lowered my head and thought about my wording, they waited patiently and grew attentive when I took a deep breath.

"I'm sure you know already…that for the past 2 and a half years my family took in a foster child…James."I started, with my peripheral vision I could see that they nodded in recognition.

"He had been in the system since he was 5 years old….his two little brother were living with his aunt, but the only reason she gave him up was because…she thought he was going back to live with his tramp of a mother, but she was wrong, that cow had already given up her parenting rights. So James was forced to jump form foster family to foster family, until he was messed up emotionally and mentally.."

"When he was living wit his mother…his birth father used to abuse him, physically. Once he even picked him up and threw him against the wall. His mother abandoned him several times until the system finally broke all ties he had to her….but even after all hat.." My voice started to shake a little, "He still loved her, and he ruined all of his chances of living with another family, because his mother messed him up so much…."

The turtles and Splinter were deathly quiet as they took this in. I took a shaky breath and continued, "When we took him in…he had been a ward of the state for almost ten years, they're school system is crap, those children will most likely grow up to be ditch diggers and hookers. When they took his IQ test, it came out just barley high enough to not be considered utterly stupid. Me and my little brother are so much smarter than him, we're smarter than even some average children, my brother has aspergers syndrome, like Einstein had, so we got him involved in special Olympics, to see if we could find some friends like him."

"That's where we met James, his technical guardian had got him involved with the special Olympics basketball team because he's a very active kid and can't sit still. After a couple seasons we noticed his parents never came to games, it was then we found out he was a foster child."

I tightened my grip on my drink, "That's when he had the gall to say to my mother "You're going to be my new mother"…My mom told me later on that her mind said in response, 'yes you are'…and that was the end of that. After a summer of having him come on weekends, and him saying, 'I hate the group home, they treat me so bad, I want to come live with you guys.' After we spent almost a thousand dollars trying to pass all of the codes to have him live with us, he did….and all was great for about a year…"

I bit my lip at my growing temper, he wasn't even here anymore and he still had this affect on me, "We knew he had some emotional problems. His temper was incredibly unpredictable, he was extremely sexist, and treated me and my mother like crap sometimes whenever we decided to ask him to do something for us, or even clean out the bathtub after he used it.."

"Ewww.." Mikey interjected, and I gave him a weak smile in thanks.

"It wasn't until last august when his guardian started pushing for adoption..that the episodes started happening…" I said, noting how my voice grew shaky again a the memories, I didn't want to talk about this anymore, but I knew that they were waiting for me to goon, an I wasn't getting off this couch until I had let everything out.

I took a big breath, "They called it 'going into crisis'. H-he would go into an unexplainable rage for almost no reason at all….he would say such horrible things about himself and us….and as it went on he got more and more violent…"

I shut my eyes as the events played over in my head, "It ranged from him slicing irreplaceable photos of himself from when he was little, to tearing up a baseball I had drew on for him special for Christmas, to punching a whole in the wall and shattering a lamp…he even threatened to kill himself…"

With each recount of these horrible memories my head sank farther into my knee, and I felt one of the turtles squeeze my shoulder in comfort. I bit my lip again.

"These for the most part, had something to do with himself, he loved rap you see, and whenever he went into crisis, e would play one that had something to do with the rapper being mad at himself, mostly him apologizing to his mother about something. It wasn't until a few months later, when James finally had the sense to tell us why he was having these fits, was because he didn't want to loose his name, and loose the chance to fid his brothers…"

"Awful…" I heard Master splinter say under his breath.

"That's no excuse, did he even think about what he was doing to you and you're family?" Leo asked.

I turned to give him a bitter smile, "He would tell you different, but I knew he didn't care what it did to us. He's so selfish, he's a user….he used my family when he was living with us, he took and took and took. He very rarely gave something back, unless you count him buying energy drinks as a way of apologizing." I said coldly/

I shuddered as I kept going, "Whenever these episodes happened, me and my mom and my little brother had to leave, because we weren't sure just what he would do…it wasn't really us running form him…to be honest it was more like giving him space to chill out…"

I noticed I was now shaking in anger, "He twisted everything we said t him to suit his own purposes….once I called him a prick, because he lies so much. He would always respond in anger when he knew he had been caught. From that point on, even though he swears almost every other word he says, I could no longer say anything like that too him, or I would get grounded for it too…"

"I had a dream a few weeks ago, he had said something so awful to my mom that..i snapped. I started screaming at him to shut the-" I stopped and no0ticed the look master splinter had, "I told him to shut the F up…..he responds by saying, "Up, she swore, she has to be grounded now." At that point I was so angry I said, that I don't freakin care anymore. I told him everything had thought of him for the past few months, all I remember is waking up form the dream, where I had been screaming at him, I effin hate you I effin hate you…" I edited a little, effin was certainly not what I was screaming.

There was a stinging sensation in my eyes and I knew the tears were coming again, "I woke up feeling awful…and afraid..it was so real…He had changed so much in the past six months, since his guardian had actually found his brothers, and the prospect of going to live with them was opened for him. He's never said goodbye in a nice way before, so he immediately started to push us away by abusing us in every way he could w9ithout being arrested…he's a master manipulator you know….my mother did so much for him, last weekend, even though her legs has a blood clot and she isn't supposed to stand very much. "

I took a shaky breath, "She still drove him up to Maine after his bothers came for a visit, so he could spend more time with them..they had already been to New Hampshire but they had gone to visit family in Maine. He got to see family he hadn't seen in years, they gave us more photos of when he was a toddler and a newborn…."

A steady hand was put on my other shoulder, "But…" Leo trialed off.

The tears started to pour out of my eyes, as the events form three days before were made al to real once again, "He went into crisis again last Friday….he was s-so tired because he had had a few sleepovers. He may be 17 on the outside…but mentally he's only 2 years old…he threw a tantrum because he was treating his friend currently over badly and he was being rude to my mom. So my mom did w-what any parent would do, she took Thomas home so James c-could go to bed…" I sobbed a little and Donny rubbed my shoulder, "He flipped out when he found out she did that..h-he took those precious photos of when he was a child and a baby..and ripped them to shreds. Not in a way to show he was angry at himself…but because he knew it would hurt my mother!" I yelled,

"M-My mother came home, and I could hear her screaming when she found out. I came out of my room immediately, to see her sobbing at my dad saying "Why didn't I hide them, why didn't I hide them?" James was outside looking s-so smug. My dad went out and my mom followed, crying, she sh-shoved him a few times calling him a bastard…i-I had never seen her so out of control before..i-I had never seen her cry so hard…I d-ding even know what happened, immediately I checked to see if he had hurt my brother like he had threatened, or the dogs…b-but it wasn't until mom came in that noticed the ripped up photos. She was sobbing so hard, but she still searched around and found a few that he missed, and she hid them."

I squeezed my drink so hard I was afraid I would break it, "I snapped, just like I had in the dream, I looked for anything that was his, and found his stupid red cap. I went outside and threw it on the ground, hoping he had seen, he was in the garage a that point, I found his notebook, and pathetically written lyrics in them saying "I'm the fucking boss i'm the fucking boss." Well he wasn't, and I made sure he knew that. I ripped up something of his for a change, and threw those outside too, the notebook not far behind…I was in such a rage, I knew he could very well have killed me if he was angry enough…but I was just s-so angry I didn't care, I did every little thing I could that could have made him mad…I didn't care if he went at me, I would have liked nothing better so I could punch his stupid little face…."I realized how bad I was shaking, but I just couldn't stop. "He broke my mother's heart….any sort of bond I had had with him was gone….my big brother was gone, he was no such thing anymore, he hadn't been for six months. The boy that stopped me form smashing my head into a tree while sledding by sticking his legs out…the kid that laid a blanket over me when I was cold and we were watching me, he was gone forever, I only saw this monstrous pathetically angry and sad child that had thrown everything we tried to give him away…"

"W-we had to run…he had grown so violent, he was threaten anyone that got in his way. We had to run to my moms car while he was tearing up our back yard so he wouldn't carry out his threats….while we were gone, he threw tools at my dad's head, and if he hadn't of dodged them, he could of seriously hurt him…" I sobbed and covered my face, trying to wipe away the tears, "It was then I realized how truly afraid of him I was…I kept telling my mom I'm not scared of him…but when we were at my mom's office where it was safe..and I had walked down the hallway alone, I realized how terrified I was, as I looked out the window, trying not to imagine his face.." I sniffed loudly, "I-I thought…he was going to come after us..a-and kill us in his anger!"

"Even now, when my parents keep telling me he isn't coming back, that he can't get out, that he's in lockdown, that as angry as he is how they don't think he'd actually hurt us…steal from us, and destroy our stuff yes, but not hurt us. Part of me agrees, but still…" I shuddered, "At night I still lock al of my windows, and it takes me so long to fall asleep..i'm so terrified of being alone at night, because I keep thinking he's going to come back and hurt us…my little brother is no d-different."

I sat there crying for a while, and they let me, until Mikey started to fidget uncomfortably. He reached up form his spot on the floor and wiped away the tears as best he could.

"Aw c'mon dudette don't cry, not over someone like him…"He said and I sniffled.

"I c-can't help it Mikey…even after all he did, as much as I hate him for doing that…i-I can't completely hate him…i-I just can't make myself. Even though I'm so unbelievably angry at him, I still wonder if he's eating alright, if he's calmed down now, if they're taking care of him…" I took a deep breath and tried ot calm down, "But as much as I feel sorry for him, losing all of the freedom that he had. I never want him to come back, I don't want to see him….i-ill never forgive him or what he did to us, never."

I shook my head and buried my face in my arms, I was so confused and hurt at my own feelings, half of me hated every ounce of blood that was keeping him alive. But the other half knew that somewhere deep down that the boy that was my brother was still there….but the likely hood of him returned, was little to none.

I felt a furry hand lift my chin up to meet Splinters eyes, "I can see how traumatic this has been for you in particular young one…you're anxiety growth in the past year has not been lost on us.."

As much as I tried to stop them, I felt the tears come back, and I hung my head, when I was seized in a one crushing hug by Michelangelo. I could fell Donny rubbing my back soothingly and Raph kneeling beside me, Leo standing over us and resting a hand on my head as I continue to pathetically sob into Mikey's shoulder.

"H-how could he do that to me…to my family, why?"

"I don't know Meg…" I heard Raph say quietly as he laid a hand on my shoulder

"Some people just can't see what they have, no matter how wonderful it is…James was one of those people." Leo said, helping me up as I calmed down finally.

Sooner or later, my breathing became normal again, as the turtle brothers stood around me in a protective circle, splinter not far away. As soon as I did, Mikey grabbed my hand and dragged me to the kitchen, and shoved me down into one of the rickety wooden chairs they had. He ran the kitchen like his butt was on fire and finally laid something in front of me, one of his awesome fudge sundaes.

"You aren't getting up form this table until you finish every bite." He said, shaking his finger mockingly.

I looked down a the gigantic bowl, "I don't know if it's anatomically possible to fit all this in me mike…"

"Screw anatomy! Eat!" He shouted grinning and shoving a huge spoonful into my mouth. After I was done gagging it soon turned into laughter, and Mikey smiled in relief as I started to eat it. I was right, I couldn't finish it all, but that problem was solved when the other turtles grabbed spoons and snuck a few bites when Mikey wasn't looking.

After that, the turtles did everything in their power to make me forget about James, for just a little while. Raph took me (cough cough forced me) on a ride with his motorcycle, speeding down the street while popping a wheelie with me screaming bloody murder for my life. Leo walked me through a few basic moves of ninjitsu and showed me how to physically calm my nerves if ever I needed to. Donny taught me where I could find the different planets and constellations at what times of year when I looked up at he sky.

And eventually splinter made me do a meditation session with them, although I never could settle my thoughts for longer than a minute.

Al too soon, it was time for me to go home, as the turtles noticed how much I was yawning. I settled back onto the couch, ready to go home, when I noticed that all five of them weren't leaving me to sleep.

I rose an eyebrow up at them, "uh.."

Splinter smiled and laid a hand on my head, the others sat around and put the news on mute, "We're here young one, sleep peacefully tonight."

"If anyone come after you, we'll know about it, and we'll crush their skulls in." Raph said with a sadistic smirk.

"We'll protect you Meghan." Leo said determinedly.

"W-will I ever see you again?" I asked, when they looked at each other.

"Duh." Mikey said grinning.

"Remember Meghan, the girls are a part of you, you'll see us whenever they see us." Donny explained, puling a blanket over me, reminding me painfully of my former big brother.

I closed my eyes quickly with a smile, Stop that. He's gone, he's out of you life, let go of any anger you feel, it doesn't matter anymore, he's gone, you don't have to worry about standing up to him anymore, you can relax.

I took a deep sigh and I felt splinter pull a hair behind my ear as I felt myself giving way to sleep. It would take a few months, to get over this fear of James, but I knew that it would be okay, it would al be okay now. I had so many people protecting me, my mom, my dad, my little brother, my friends, both real and pretend.

It would all be okay.

**Everything that I explained in the sotry above obut james and my family was completly true (obviously the part with the turtles I made up) it's going to take time, but eventually I'll stop being afraid of him, and my family will move on. I relaly just wrote this to try and settle y own mind, you can choose to review if you want, if you don't then fine. Thank you for reading at least, hey if you want to look at it as a bonus, you got to learn a little bit about my life. **


End file.
